This week feels upside down, something just isn’t quite right. I am pretty sure it’s because we spent Monday and Tuesday mourning with our family over the loss of my mom’s sister (my aunt). Nothing is harder then burying someone. My aunt was a very kind woman. Although I wasn’t as close to her as I probably should have been, it was still hard to say good-bye, to watch her own children say good-bye, it’s absolutely disheartening.
I had bit of a wake up call during this time, a couple of wake up calls actually.
The first was simply seeing my family, my cousins. Realizing that because we all live our own lives about an hour away from each other, we really don’t know each other all that well. That makes me sad. So I decided its time for me to reach out to them and reconnect, grow those relationships. These are my family, my people. I don’t want to keep living in my little box in Aplington, Iowa, secluding myself from the world, from those that share my blood line. Even though we were sad for the reason of our getting together, I found JOY in the fact that we got to spend time with my family and catch up on one anothers lives and kids. It helped heal my heart and I hope it helped heal theirs as well. I believe there is hope for this family to grow closer because of this loss.
The second was a realization of what a real loss is. I keep a journal, something new for me, but something I have grasped and become attached to very quickly. I keep it in my purse in case I need to write a thought or something on the fly. I also refer back to it often for encouragement and inspiration. I lost it Tuesday morning, I left it in the restaurant we had eaten the night before, panic began to set in. I kept telling my self it was just a journal, but I still HAD to find it. Luckily my sister had grabbed it off the table and put it in her bag…thank you JESUS…and just like that MIND BLOWN! I realized I almost had a panic attack over PAPER…I immediately said a quick little prayer that went like this…”Dear Jesus, FORGIVE ME, how could I be so upset about a lost journal when I am here with my family mourning over a lost PERSON…an actual person that can’t be replaced, why am I so selfish and stupid”.
So it’s on my heart. While I did find joy in the fact that found my journal. I am looking forward to continually finding joy as I connect with real PEOPLE that have real meaning in my life. It’s all about perspective. This journal is important to me yes, but my people are what’s really important to me. I am so thankful for this little lesson on what really brings me joy in life, it’s not things, it’s PEOPLE, especially the ones that I get to call my FAMILY.