Today I’m going deep. I am going to share a real struggle for me. I’ll be honest being open is hard, but I am holding on to the hope that maybe someone else out there might need to be lifted up like I did yesterday.
Let’s talk about depression, we will call it “D”. The definition of depression is a state of feeling sad, a condition in which a person feels very hopeless and unimportant, in a slump. Some people have occasional D days, when certain instance in their life cause them to be depressed, but it usually doesn’t stick around. Or maybe you are more like me and you have more D days then you would like to. It feels like it’s always there just under the surface of my skin, most days it stays there, it just doesn’t release. I think for some people, like me, it will probably always be there, we just have to choose to not let it out, to not let it control us. The days when I am able to forget that its there are good days for me. I go about my life as usual, these days are the ones that I feel God the most, like he has his arms wrapped around me keeping that D held down right where it belongs.
Then there are days like yesterday. When satan sees that I am in a good place throws an arrow at me, piercing my skin just enough so that some of that D sneaks out. Sometime is comes like a gentle fog, it’s surfaced but I can still see through it, I can still keep moving forward. Yesterday it came out like a brick wall. I wasn’t prepared for it but it stopped me in my tracks. At first I tried to just punch the wall, I told myself I will not do this today, I was angry, so I put on my boxing gloves and tried to throw some punches. But this was a thick wall, I got now where. I found myself defeated.
I am a person who likes a fair amount of control in my life. I often try to fool myself and control my emotions and not allow myself to cry. Because when I cry its usually ugly. It’s ugly because I have been controlling those emotions for some time and when they spew out, they become out of control. So after the D wall defeated me, I cried an ugly cry and they I did something crazy I PRAYED.
I asked God why. Why do I have to feel this way? What can I do to make this go away? How do I handle this with grace? I begged him to hold me and help me see clearly. After a few more hours of feeling the slump and another ugly crying session. I did another crazy thing I REACHED OUT. I called upon my prayer warriors. My friends and family that know my struggles, the ones I know I can trust, the ones I knew would pray for me and remind me of the truths. And as they prayed and told me encouraging words something happened. A ladder dropped down from heaven, I GOT UP and I stared climbing over the wall.
When I woke up this morning I was on the other side of the wall. The wall is still there. I can see it out of the corner of my eye. But today it’s not defeating me. Today I am walking away, leaving that wall in my dust and moving forward.
That’s how depression works in my life. Depression and the devil are like two peas in a pod, they work hand in hand. But when I use the tools I know to be true, I defeat them both with one stone. If you experience D like I do try these steps and see if it works for you.
1. Pray. Not just for the depression to go away or the situation to change, pray for the strength to get through it.
2. Reach out. Don’t seclude yourself. Call someone you know you can trust, someone that won’t mind If you have to call them every day or once a week, whenever you need them they are there.
3. Remember the truth, read scripture, read through your journal, look at pictures of good times, name off something completely unrelated that you are thankful for, anything to help you see some joy.
4. Be open to what God is telling you to do.
5. GET UP and move forward.
The cause for your depression might not go way, but you don’t have to stay there with it, you can choose to let it go. You will feel lighter and more joyful, you will!